Carry My Torch
by Wesley B
Summary: Reid's drug habit coincides with a massive terrorist plot in a perfect storm of suspicion, grief, and mistakes. The team takes a steep spiral. No matter how hard they try, they're only headed in one direction- apart. T for drug use, slight violence, blood.
1. Chapter 1

"Well, now that that's wrapped up," Hotch closed the box on their most recent case files, "Who's got a free weekend? Jack wants to play laser tag this weekend, and was hoping some of you could come along."

Emily grabbed her purse off the table and put her phone away. "Give me a time, you know I'm in!" Morgan agreed, and the two of them left, nudging each other over some joke.

"I may be getting hold, Aaron, but you know I'll never pass up a chance to kick your butt at something." Rossi laughed, saing his goodbye and following Prentiss and Morgan out.

"What about you? Reid? Garcia?" Hotch smiled at the last two team members, still gathering their stuff.

"Would if I could, honey, but I'm visiting JJ in Texas this weekend, we've got plans." Garcia blew a kiss and fluttered out the door.

"How about you, Reid?"

"Uhm, I really need to visit my mother this weekend." Reid gathered a few books off the table, not making eye contact. "It's been a while since we've spent time together."

"Okay. Well, we'll keep you in mind. I hope your trip goes well."

"Yeah, thanks. You, too." Reid buckled his bag and rushed out, leaving Hotchner to pick up the last few papers and turn out the lights.

* * *

Reid bought tickets for a flight to Nevada, but he never intended on boarding. He did, however, board a flight to Oregon. As he'd expected, when he landed hours later, it was raining heavily. He summoned a taxi and jumped in quickly. "Powell's bookstore," he ordered, and the taxi driver turned the key in the ignition.

Reid had browsed books for an hour before his phone buzzed. "Café. Far left table. Ten minutes." Three minutes early, he found that the table in question was firmly occupied by a quartet of middle-aged men, none of whom seemed to be interested in the people around them. Reid watched the table anyways, diligent and patient.

"I didn't ask you to be early." Reid jumped and turned to face the voice behind him. "But, I suppose I don't mind, either." The man was slightly shorter than Reid, muscled, with a thick beard. Blonde hair was pulled back in a rubber band. "Come on, let's go outside."

"It's easy to spot the guy staring at a table that's obviously occupied," the man held the door open for Reid. "No one really expects me to pull that. You can call me Daniel, if you'd like. I'll call you Alan and we'll go on our way."

"Do you have it with you?"

"In the car. Now listen, there's a really nice hotel in Florence. You'll find it worth your time to take the car there, it's the E Street Inn. Very quiet, very clean."

"They won't mind?"

"Son, that's what a 'Do Not Disturb' sign is for. They walked to a parking garage nearly two blocks away, and Reid followed the man up a few winding staircases.

"How much will I owe you?"

"for what we discussed? $75 will do. I always like giving good deals on Saturdays." He handed Reid a set of keys retrieved from his pocket. "Red Honda, plate starts in 'FCA.' Be back by Sunday." The man laughed and slapped Reid on the shoulder before exiting by the stairs.

Reid took his time driving to the coast, pondering the weeks ahead of him. With a decent supply of dilaudid and a red-eye ticket home Sunday night, he had plenty of time to relax alone. The guilt of lying had passed long ago, Hotch didn't have a clue and he didn't need to. Prentiss had a faint idea that something was going on, but she'd never know for sure.

It was Sunday afternoon when Reid's phone first rang. Too tired to bother, he left it to go to voicemail. Five minutes later, his phone rang again, and so it went for another 20 minutes until he finally got up to shut his phone off. Deciding it's an appropriate time anyways, he put on a clean pair of clothes and packed his bag. Half an hour later, he'd checked out of the hotel and was on his way back to the Portland area.

He left the car where he found it and walked back to Powell's Bookstore. Before he entered, he turned his phone on, sending a text to his dealer before checking his messages.

"Reid, this is Hotchner. We called to check in with your mother and the home had no record of your visit. Please call when you can to let us know you're safe- it's dangerous over there right now." His messages from the rest of the team were almost verbatim. Confused, Reid put his phone to his ear and called Hotch.

"Reid?"

"Hotch, what happened? Why is everyone worried?"

"Where ARE you?"

"Portland. Why is everyone worried?"

"What are you doing in Oregon?"

"It's a long story. Tell me what's going on!"

"There's been a terrorist attack."

"What? Where?"

"Las Vegas airport. Extreme levels of arsenic were released into the air filtration system… as well as in the planes. It's a monumentous disaster. Three planes were affected. All of them went down."

"Oh my god. How did this happen?"

"No one's sure yet. Now Reid, tell me why you're in Oregon, and why you haven't heard of this. It happened just this morning."

"I- I had a whim. It was irresponsible, I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I have a red-eye ticket, I'll be back tomorrow."

"You'd better be, Reid. And from now on, you let someone know where you're doing. Even when it's spur of the moment."

"Yes, sir." Reid snapped his phone shut and walked, shaken, to the in-store café.

"Was it a good weekend?" Daniel approached, coffee in hand.

"It was, yeah. You heard about Nevada?"

"It's a tragedy. But, not much we can do here, you know. Go home, go to work, get stoned when you can. Life goes on, kid." Reid handed over the keys and left.

* * *

When Reid showed up to work on Monday morning, tired but caffeinated, the entire bullpen was somber. It was a paperwork day, quieter than usual, but Reid was still glad at lunch to steal away to a quiet corner and breathe.

"Reid, can we talk?" Reid looked up from his coffee to find Morgan facing him, just slightly too close for comfort.

"Sure. What do you need?"

"I need to know if you're okay."

"What? No, I'm fine."

"Really? Because it's not like you to run off like that. Especially when you have plans to visit your mother. You've been quiet, lately, too. And today you haven't spouted facts once. What's going on, Spencer?"

"I- nothing. Nothing that's anyone's business but mine. Sorry, Morgan, but that's what it is."

"Don't give me that, kid. We can tell that something's up. I'm here for you, but you've gotta open up."

"Honestly, Morgan, I don't need this. I'm fine. Thanks for your concern, but it's not needed."

"Fine. But I'm keeping my eyes open. I'm worried for you."

"Your worry is silly, Morgan. There are better uses for brain cells." Reid walked around Morgan and down another hall, leaving nothing behind him but a very perplexed friend.


	2. Chapter 2

The terrorist attack had left hundreds of people dead- if one included the planes that went down, nearly a thousand. The entire United States was in shock, and that carried to many other countries worldwide. There hadn't been a tragedy like this in over a hundred years. No one was taking credit. Like the act of an evil god, a thousand people died and the survivors had no answers to cling to.

Among those in shock, Emily Prentiss had been hit hard. One of the victims had been her cousin, Will, one of her closest friends over the past few years. He was in the first plane to go down, the pilot, and Emily had seen pictures of the wreckage in the newspapers. Will had done everything he could to land the plane safely. Despite her grief, Prentiss never joined a support group in the following weeks. Instead, she spent more and more afternoons at a local bar.

"I know this isn't the right way to deal with it," She admitted to JJ one day, "but I really don't know what to do."

"You're not going to a group? There's one in-office."

"No, I… I just don't feel comfortable with that."

"So what do you feel comfortable with?" Emily laughed at that.

"Drinking alone? God, that sounds pathetic."

"Well, how about I join you next time? Make it a little more fun."

"Thanks, Jayje. You're a champ."

"Any time, Em. Just let me know what you need." JJ stood from her place at the table and said another goodbye before leaving the conference room, where the two had been eating lunch. Emily sat for a few more minutes before heading back to work, face drawn.

* * *

Prentiss looked up from her paperwork to notice Reid in the conference room, speaking to a pair of men in dark suits. Everyone's arms were crossed and Reid, who was facing the window, seemed slightly confused. He said something, a denial, and the agents nodded. One handed him a card, and they left.

Emily caught up to Reid as he reached his desk. "Hey, Reid, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I think so." Prentiss could hear the distraction in his voice.

"You _think so_? Two mysterious men come in here just for you… that's not odd to you?"

"They were just here about my mother. She's fine, though. Are _you _feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, Reid. I just don't remember the last time people who look like CIA came to talk about your mother."

"You're too paranoid, Emily. Everything's fine."

"If you say so," Emily left Reid's desk in confusion. Reid's mother could have been affected by the Vegas disaster, but why would men in expensive suits fly all the way here to say she's fine? Maybe they had nothing to do with his mother at all. The attack, then? No way Reid made it on any radars. They must have been from somewhere else. The reason he'd been so quiet, lately, and reclusive. He'd lost weight and stopped going to social events. No immediate answer presented itself, so Prentiss shelved the idea for a later time.

* * *

That later time came as she was leaving that night. Hotch joined her in the elevator just as it was about to close, and the two stood in silence for a moment before he spoke. "Have you noticed anything odd about Reid recently?"

"Actually, I have. I talked to him about it today, but he's not giving me anything. There were men in suits talking to him in the conference room. I don't know what to make of it."

"Neither do I, unfortunately. He has been quiet lately."

"Haven't we all, though?"

"You're right, I'm sorry." There was a quiet moment before, "Are you doing okay?" Emily sighed.

"Yeah, I will be. I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around the size of this attack. Will was a good kid. He'd been there for me a lot. It's too bad I wasn't really able to do the same."

"I'm sure he knows you would have, though. If you ever need anyone, I'm here. Of course, the bureau is going to require you to see the department psychologist by the end of the week."

"They're what? Why wasn't I told earlier?"

"I think they assumed you would go. Most everyone else has."

"I know I should have. The support group invited me, but… are you going to push a button on the elevator?"

"Oh, wow. I completely forgot." They laughed, a little uncomfortable with the sudden lack of tension. Hotch pushed the 'Floor One' button and they rode the short way down in silence. They said a final awkward goodbye when the elevator opened, then went their separate ways.

Emily's nightmares were endless. They had started mundane, handling a case with the team. The killer was on to them, though, and sooner or later got his hands on each of them. Each of them but Reid, who'd already been taken by Tobias Henkel. The dream weighed on her all morning, and Prentiss couldn't for the life of her fathom what it meant until she stepped out of the elevator and into the bullpen. The idea hit her as she passed Reid getting coffee, and she stopped in her tracks.

"Are you okay, Emily?" Reid looked up from stirring his coffee, confused.

"Yeah, I… I just had a thought. All morning, I couldn't make sense of it, but then I walked through the door and it came to me."

"Often times, we forget things when we walk through a doorway because of our brain's way of interpreting space, doors create event barriers that can wipe our minds of any previous thoughts. It makes sense that passing an event barrier into a familiar place can bring up a thought, if the two are related. What were you thinking?"

"Oh, nothing important. I don't even know why it came to me. Thanks, though." Emily nodded awkwardly at Reid before rushing off to her desk, head full. Her paperwork was slow that day, and she had plenty of time to ponder. She put it aside for lunch with JJ, and spent the last half of the day staring blankly at a page, thinking about Will, angry. But when work was over, she found herself in Hotch's office.

* * *

"I think Reid has relapsed."

"What? Why do you think that?"

"I don't know, I just have this really strong feeling-"

"Emily, we can't assume this based on feelings."

"So why didn't he tell anyone he was in Oregon? Why has he been reclusive and moody since he got back? The last time he was this secretive was after Tobias Henkel. I'm worried."

"I can see where your concern comes from, but I think you may be a little paranoid. Also, I know you've been drinking a lot and you can't let that affect you. Still, any concern is a valid concern, so I will be sure to keep an eye on him. How about you?"

"Me? Nah, I'll be fine. I'm… I'm getting better. But thanks. I guess."

"Emily, you know you can come to me any time."

"I do… thank you." Emily shut the door behind her when she left, sighing heavily. Her world had gone to hell before, this was nothing new. It wasn't even a new level of personal, really. And that seemed to be the biggest problem. It wasn't new. She'd done it before, and she was so tired of wishing she'd never have to go through it again. Now that she was, it didn't hurt near as much as she thought it would. But it was definitely a burden- a burden she wanted to free herself of, even if it meant drinking herself blind tonight. And no, she knew she _wasn't paranoid, no matter what anyone said. She had to hold on to that._


End file.
